Are you returning the favor?

 This was interesting for me to ponder recently. I was experiencing some emotional upheaval and dis-regulation. We sometimes go through these clearing phases where everything feels overwhelming and I could have cried at the drop of a hat.

I am always there for any friends or family that need a shoulder to cry on or needs to vent or just have someone to listen without judgement or need to fix anything. (women will understand this) and it occurred to me that I am not as readily open to allowing those friends to return the favor. I tend to seclude myself when I am going through some emotional struggles and I do not always reach out for that shoulder or loving ear.

That is why I ask, are you open to returning the favor.

Our friends and family wish to be there for us too. They will lovingly listen and offer kind words and friends will be ready with some hard hitting wisdom.

It made me think about what this resistance to open up says about me...why do I behave this way?

Could it be that I have some underlying beliefs around self worth? Do I not feel deserving? Is it fear of being vulnerable or do I not believe that anyone has earned the right to hear my deepest darkest fears, thoughts and challenges?

And if I think the last statement is true then why have I not cultivated such a tribe?

I am grateful for the friends that I can turn to (you know who you are) and for their wisdom and for never being afraid to tell me the truth even when it is uncomfortable to hear and to offer a change in perspective whenever I need it.

Thinking about all of this and looking deeper within has also helped me get out of my funk and given me new motivation to create the life and community I desire and to create more health, happiness and joy, not just for myself, for all whom I associate and commune with. It has also made me look at how i treat myself and ask the question, am I a friend to myself? am I gentle and nurturing to myself?

Am I returning the favor....I may not have been as open to doing so in the past and with greater awareness of this, I am choosing to be open to returning the favor when needed. I am open to receive.

Belonging to life and opening to it's fullness

I recommend reading the book by Tara Brach and also love this reference in the book about fullness and belonging 

Remember we are NO-THING and all is affected by the attention and focus we place upon it.

Allow life to live through you. Enjoy every breath and every emotion as it flows in and through you.

Enjoy the following POEM...read it often and allow the energy of it to flow through you, too enhance your experiences and open your mind.

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, PH.D

Our intrinsic belonging to this world…we are No-THING…not limited to any passive experience

and everything belonging to the whole.

In Roger Keyes’s poem “hokusai says”

THE TEACHINGS OF A WISE JAPANESE ARTIST REMIND us of our belonging to life and of our capacity to open to its fullness.

Hokusai says – Poem by Roger Keyes

Hokusai says look carefully. 

He says pay attention, notice.

He says keep looking, stay curious.

He says there is no end to seeing.

He says look forward to getting old.

He says keep changing, you just get more who you really are.

He says get stuck, accept it, repeat yourself as long as it’s interesting.

He says keep doing what you love.

He says keep praying.

He says every one of us is a child, every one of us is ancient, every one of us has a body.

He says every one of us is frightened. 

He says every one of us has to find a way to live with fear.

He says everything is alive –shells, buildings, people, fish, mountains, trees.

Wood is alive.

Water is alive.

Everything has its own life.

Everything lives inside us.

He says live with the world inside you.

He says it doesn’t matter if you draw, or write books. 

It doesn’t matter if you saw wood, or catch fish.

It doesn’t matter if you sit at home and stare at the ants on your veranda

or the shadows of the trees and grasses in your garden.

It matters that you care.

It matters that you feel.

It matters that you notice.

It matters that life lives through you.

Contentment is life living through you.

Joy is life living through you.

Satisfaction and strength is life living through you.

Peace is life living through you.

He says don’t be afraid.

Don’t be afraid.

Look, feel, let life take you by the hand.

Let life live through you

Improving Self love and self Esteem

 I love this and I for one am definitely starting this as a daily exercise. I am going to use this to increase my self love and appreciation too. I am changing it to 5 things I LOVE about myself. I believe this exercise may be hard for some as I remember how tough it was when I just had to stare into my eyes in the mirror daily and say: Heidi, I love you, and really mean it. I found that exercise really difficult at first.

I encourage those who are starting on the self love journey to start with the exercise of saying I love you to yourself whilst staring deeply into your own eyes in the mirror...Do this earnestly and honestly as you are only fooling yourself by doing it any other way. Say it at least 10 times daily...and like all thing we do to improve our lives and ourselves, start slowly if 10 times is just too hard.

My self love has definitely increased and I continue to work on it becoming unconditional and automatic, kinda like how we automatically criticize ourselves. I AM Working toward unconditional love for self and others, so that I may be and see the love of every soul shining back at me, as a reflection of myself and them.

I like using some of the Daily Om articles as Madisyn Taylor writes so beautifully and concise on the topics I love to share with you.

Please try this exercise with me and share how you have noticed it improving your life and self love/esteem.

A Self-Esteem Exercise ... Daily Om (Madisyn Taylor)

Having low self-esteem is a common issue -- with some introspection you can start to loosen the grip of this negative thought pattern. 

Our primary relationship in life is with ourselves. No one else goes through every experience in life with us. We are our one permanent companion, yet we are often our worst critic. To remind ourselves of our magnificence, we can do this exercise: "Five Things I Like About Myself."  

Begin by writing down at least five things that you like about yourself. This is not the time to be modest. If you are having trouble coming up with a total of five items, you know that this exercise can really benefit you. Be sure to include more than your physical attributes on your list, since our bodies are only part of who we are. If you are still struggling with what to include on your list, think of what you like about your favorite people, because these traits are probably qualities that you possess too. Another way to complete your list is to think of five things you don't like about yourself and find something about these traits that you can turn into a positive.  

Continue this process for a week, thinking of five new things you like about yourself each day. At the end of the week, read the list aloud to yourself while standing in front of a mirror. Instead of looking for flaws to fix, allow the mirror to reflect your magnificence. You may feel silly about standing in front of a mirror and reading aloud a list of your admirable attributes, but it might just bring a smile to your face and change the way you see yourself. Remember, it is when you feel the most resistant that this exercise can benefit you the most. Because we are constantly looking at the world, instead of looking at ourselves, we don't often see what's magnificent about ourselves that others do. When we take the time to experience ourselves the way we would experience someone we love and admire, we become our best companion and supporter on life's journey.

The Fifth Agreement

Don Miguel wrote "The Four Agreements", a book I really loved and now had his follow up out and I highly recommend it!
This is what he says:






AS don Miguel says, "By practicing the Five Agreements, what you are really doing is respecting everything in creation. You are respecting your dream; you are respecting everybody else's dream. If you use these tools, your effort is really for everyone, because your joy, your happiness, your peace, and your heaven are contagious. When you are happy, the people around you are happy too, and it inspires them to change their own world."