Friday, September 19, 2008

life in the fast lane...

Today was quiet and many thoughts ran through my mind from the time that I was in the shower until now.

I wondered how I had gotten to make the choices I have made, as the water rushed over me. When exactly did I leave my current relationship. Thoughts of control and how he asserted it came to mind. It was then that I left, not physically but mentally and somewhat emotionally too. I did not feel secure and protected and wondered why the hell I was staying in such a tight spot.

I fought it for three years until I decided to open my heart to me.

Money is often used to control us and keep us locked in. It is not the money that is evil and corrupt but the ones that hold it firmly in their hands. Many relationships fall apart because of finances and loss of trust and love and the list goes on.

What was the downfall of this particular one you may was all of the above!

Relationship are there to teach us about ourselves and to help us grow. This was no exception. In this relationship I learned about love and wonderful childhoods and how the other side lives. I learned about a whole new culture and I laughed a lot. It was safe to grow and open myself up. I learned to look at myself through his eyes and finally liked what I saw and started cultivating that. Relationships are not perfect but can be perfect for you and can also be perfect for a specific purpose and reason. One needs to know when relationships have served their purpose and needs to change or move on. This is where we all get stuck and paralyzed at times. Do not allow fear of change and some discomfort keep you locked into a situation that does not serve either of you.

I moved into a beautiful little cottage on a lake with no running water and an outhouse. A trip to say the least but in those moments where I feel down and sorry for myself, I look out the window and see the most gorgeous view and nature in all her splendour and I feel lighter and blessed. I wake up to the sound of loons on the lake and all those little things seems to slip away until I summon them back. I moved out of a situation I could no longer navigate, to find my center again.
It has been an interesting journey and I am still a little of center but a lot closer than before and I have found love within myself to sustain me which also helps me look at the world with softer eyes. Change has been a constant for me and I am learning how to accept it at a moments notice.

May change in this fast lane be kind to you and may you go with the flow...

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Chaos and more chaos

Wow, it has been awhile since my last serious blog, even though many serious things have occured in my world.

Was August chaotic or what??
I have heard that I am not alone in saying that the energies are shifting rapidly and making it a little uncomfortable and then to top it all, shit is hitting from all sides. I guess it is time to deal with underlying issues or watch them show up in all forms time and again.
I am ready to be done with old stuff and am happy to say that September has come and brought with it a lull in events.

Yeah, time to be still and gather energy and organize a little after the August tornado. The new energies in October may once again be coming at a mile a minute so all I can do is enjoy this quiet time and prepare for the next rush.

My life has changed in numerous ways and I have no doubt it will continue to do so.
I am facing many new opportunities to discover who I am and what I really want. It is challenging to answer that sometimes....what do I really want??? I am free to decide and can choose from a kid in a candy store....exept I have toothache and can't eat any of the candy anyway!! Jokes on me!

Seriously, life is great and it does just need us to decide which way to go and what direction to take. I wish I had a GPS for life and could just choose the shortest and easiest route to my highest good and know exactly which direction to start off in.
BOY, I am jumping around all over the place again but this does seem to explain how scattered I can be. I am working on simplifying and getting a better sense of direction. A good idea if I am expecting the Universe to provide and guide!

The next time I write I may even know where I am going and with any luck I may have a good idea on how to get there.

Right now I am recovering from the chaos and resting a little to build up a whole bunch of energy for the next wave of life......