Saying goodbye to the old and surrendering to the flow.

 The last few months of 2023 were intense to say the least. I experienced so many different emotions and had some interesting experiences. 

My body has been doing strange things. I have been told this happens during the menopausal transition and boy, did it kick my ass. I wondered whose body this is? What used to work and help with weight, stress and general health just doesn't seem to cut it anymore. Pushing too hard just isn't working and I am tired. 

I have had to surrender and trust more than I ever have before. The BIG lesson of trust has been a doozie to say the least.

How does one surrender after a lifetime of discipline and structure. I really felt like I was being tested. My body was asking for time to adjust, time to rest and time to heal. I had some trouble listening. I rely on exercise to help me feel better and relieve stress. I was not allowed to exercise for 6 weeks and it was tough. I had to create a new routine and I discovered that I was not very good or disciplined in doing so. I missed not exercising and at the same time felt relief that I did not have to take 2 hours out of every day to do so. I have to say goodbye to the idea of perfection.

I told you my emotions were mixed and all over the place. You would think that I would use that time constructively. In my opinion, I did not. (and now looking back, I still accomplished quite a bit) And I am reminded that I am really hard on myself and clarity of my achievements is not a strong suit. It comes from a history of always fighting and striving to be and do better and, I must admit, the belief that I am not enough. Those inner child wounds do seem to show themselves when we pay attention and we get to heal them and soothe our inner child. I did get to do some great work in this area in 2023. (grateful) ☺️ 

Now to get back on track...

I felt disconnected from source and my intuition (I wasn't really but it sure felt like it) I felt like my body had betrayed me and I discovered that I actually betrayed my body. It has been working so hard for me to keep me healthy and be the best that it can be regardless of my daily mental negative onslaughts. I was not kind to myself or my body and I know many of you can relate to that. Why do we do that?

Loving my body unconditionally is my new goal. I am waking up with more gratitude and in awe of the 100 trillion cells that work tirelessly and beautifully within this expression that is me.

It has dawned on me that I need to go with the flow of my body and nature. It is winter here now and thus hibernation is actually the natural status. I am sleeping a lot longer and needing more rest and this did cause me some stress initially. 

 I did a healing journey (mushrooms) and experienced major releases and clearings, which takes a lot of energy and time to integrate. I am constantly being shown that gentleness, surrender and trust is needed now more than ever. The world is in turmoil and I know that it is important for us as healers to be strong, clear and balanced. Taking the time to rest and restore is very important and necessary for the wellbeing of all. (yet another well learned lesson)

After Christmas an opportunistic virus surfaced and challenged my Immune system. I was like: "what the hell?"....I guess if we do not listen and slow down enough the Universe and our body will create a situation that forces us to do so. (I always tell my clients this)  I was obviously still in the old habit of pushing and expecting to be further along my healing and integration journey than I was.  Those old habits have a way of showing themselves and we get the opportunity to stare them in the face and choose to let them go or not. Time to say goodbye to you dear habit!

Fortunately the new year according to the Chinese calendar starts in February and it gives me the rest of this month to integrate and fully recover. I am listening and resting when my body calls for it. I am not judging myself for sleeping 9-10 hours a night. I know this too shall pass and the work will get done.

I am using this time to do some exercises in clearing out mental clutter and physical clutter. I do wish to enter this new year with more clarity and love.

I love reflecting on beliefs that no longer serve me and what I wish to focus on and bring into the new year. Who do I want to be and how do I wish to show up for myself and my community? How do I wish to show up in my business. What do I wish to accomplish with Spirit this year to help heal and bring more love and peace to humanity and earth?

This is going to be an amazing year and I am finally ready to see and be seen. I am willing and ready to share all my gifts with the world and to create the Love and wholeness I wish for all. I am practicing to stay in the NOW.  I am open to receive. I am curious and willing to learn. I know that I know nothing. I surrender to the flow. I surrender control! (this is huge for me)

What are you ready to create this year? What is your dream? What are you willing to give up to grow?