I just read an interesting piece on withholding and it reminded me of my patterns when I first met my husband and for most of my relationships prior to that. It makes so much sense to be now and reading this article made me realize how much I have grown and changed and how much opportunity I still have for growth.
Emotional pain is usually at the root of our tendency to withhold and the most common form of withholding is what we call "the silent treatment", but it encompasses any unwillingness to express your true feelings. It also includes an unwillingness to give support, praise, or positive attention to the people you love.
Madisyn Taylor goes on to explain it further and very succinctly...."We have all known someone who is impossible to please, and many of us have suddenly found ourselves at the other end of a chilly silence with no explanation. At the same time, many of us will recognize our own tendency to withhold our emotions rather than express them. Most of us have seen both sides of the withholding dilemma. Emotional pain is at the root of our tendency to withhold, and withholding causes pain to the people subjected to it. It is a dysfunctional pattern that creates a breakdown in communication and understanding.
No one deserves to be subjected to withholding. Feeling ignored, disrespected, or shut out, and to not know why, is a terrible feeling. The first thing to remember if this is happening to you is that you are not to blame. You are caught in someone else's pain pattern. This person does not know how to express feelings in a healthy way probably because this is what they learned when she or he was a child. The second helpful thing to remember is that the withholder is acting out of pain. They are stuck in a habitual mode of response that is self-defeating and alienating to the people they love. Remembering this will help you feel compassion for the person hurting you. However, if you have suffered too long with this pattern, you may need to get some space. Take some time to look at your own patterns and understand why you have taken part in this drama. If you are dealing with people in a family situation, you can step up to the plate to help break the chain of this behavior pattern.
If, on the other hand, it is you that tends to withhold, understand that this is a learned response and it can be unlearned. Find safe places to begin to express all that you've been holding back. Begin to make an effort to say what you're feeling and thinking. Give praise to someone you love. The more you do this, the healthier you and your relationships will become. What was learned over a course of a life cannot be changed overnight--remember, one day at a time."
I know it is possible to change and be vulnerable and it all starts by opening your heart more and more ever day. The biggest and safest place to start practicing opening your heart further, and being vulnerable in expressing your inner feelings, thoughts and fears, is in a loving relationship. Our greatest opportunity for growth is in our relationships. Remember they mirror who we are and areas we need to address. Go ahead and start expressing yourself today. You and your health will benefit in ways you cannot even begin to imagine.
Friday, July 14, 2017
Monday, July 10, 2017
The tapestry of life...and "The Ripple Effect"
We are all beautiful threads that are essential to the tapestry of life. Every thread enriches the tapestry.
Therefore we all matter and are needed in this world. It is however up to us if we wish to enhance the tapestry or be the flaw within it.
There is no wrong choice because it all adds to the magic of the tapestry but your choices do affect the whole.....we could have a tapestry full of flaws or a magical, radiant, beautiful tapestry.
Your thoughts create your world and serves to either lift the vibrations and attract similar higher vibrations or lower the vibrations and attract less desired circumstances and people.
Madison Taylor explains exactly what I am trying to say in the most beautiful, succinct way.....
"The Ripple Effect"
"The impact you have on the world is greater than you could ever imagine, and the choices you make affect the whole.
In a world of six billion people, it's easy to believe that the only way to initiate profound transformation is to take extreme action. Each of us, however, carries within us the capacity to change the world in small ways for better or worse. Everything we do and think affects the people in our lives, and their reactions in turn affect others. As the effect of a seemingly insignificant word passes from person to person, its impact grows and can become a source of great joy, inspiration, anxiety, or pain. Your thoughts and actions are like stones dropped into still waters, causing ripples to spread and expand as they move outward. The impact you have on the world is greater than you could ever imagine, and the choices you make can have far-reaching consequences. You can use the ripple effect to make a positive difference and spread waves of kindness that will wash over the world.
Should the opportunity arise, the recipient of a good deed will likely feel compelled to do a good deed for someone else. Someone feeling the effects of negative energy will be more likely to pass on that negative energy. One act of charity, one thoughtful deed, or even one positive thought can pass from individual to individual, snowballing until it becomes a group movement or the ray of hope that saves someone's life. Every transformation, just like every ripple, has a point of origin. You must believe in your ability to be that point of origin if you want to use the ripples you create to spread goodness. Consider the effect of your thoughts and actions, and try to act graciously as much as possible.
A smile directed at a stranger, a compliment given to a friend, an attitude of laughter, or a thoughtful gesture can send ripples that spread among your loved ones and associates, out into your community, and finally throughout the world. You have the power to touch the lives of everyone you come into contact with and everyone those people come into contact with. The momentum of your influence will grow as your ripples moves onward and outward. One of those ripples could become a tidal wave of love and kindness."
~ Madison Taylor
Therefore we all matter and are needed in this world. It is however up to us if we wish to enhance the tapestry or be the flaw within it.
There is no wrong choice because it all adds to the magic of the tapestry but your choices do affect the whole.....we could have a tapestry full of flaws or a magical, radiant, beautiful tapestry.
Your thoughts create your world and serves to either lift the vibrations and attract similar higher vibrations or lower the vibrations and attract less desired circumstances and people.
Madison Taylor explains exactly what I am trying to say in the most beautiful, succinct way.....
"The Ripple Effect"
"The impact you have on the world is greater than you could ever imagine, and the choices you make affect the whole.
In a world of six billion people, it's easy to believe that the only way to initiate profound transformation is to take extreme action. Each of us, however, carries within us the capacity to change the world in small ways for better or worse. Everything we do and think affects the people in our lives, and their reactions in turn affect others. As the effect of a seemingly insignificant word passes from person to person, its impact grows and can become a source of great joy, inspiration, anxiety, or pain. Your thoughts and actions are like stones dropped into still waters, causing ripples to spread and expand as they move outward. The impact you have on the world is greater than you could ever imagine, and the choices you make can have far-reaching consequences. You can use the ripple effect to make a positive difference and spread waves of kindness that will wash over the world.
Should the opportunity arise, the recipient of a good deed will likely feel compelled to do a good deed for someone else. Someone feeling the effects of negative energy will be more likely to pass on that negative energy. One act of charity, one thoughtful deed, or even one positive thought can pass from individual to individual, snowballing until it becomes a group movement or the ray of hope that saves someone's life. Every transformation, just like every ripple, has a point of origin. You must believe in your ability to be that point of origin if you want to use the ripples you create to spread goodness. Consider the effect of your thoughts and actions, and try to act graciously as much as possible.
A smile directed at a stranger, a compliment given to a friend, an attitude of laughter, or a thoughtful gesture can send ripples that spread among your loved ones and associates, out into your community, and finally throughout the world. You have the power to touch the lives of everyone you come into contact with and everyone those people come into contact with. The momentum of your influence will grow as your ripples moves onward and outward. One of those ripples could become a tidal wave of love and kindness."
~ Madison Taylor
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Stress and the Mind-Body Connection
There is so much research on the Mind-Body connection that we cannot deny that our minds and emotions play a huge role in our overall health. Your mind is the most powerful tool to heal your body, therefore it has become imperative to find better ways to handle stress and learn how to relax and find the joy in our lives. The more we focus on gratitude and all the blessings in our life the healthier our Immune system and body will be.
Here is an interesting article regarding stress, disease and our mind connection to it all.....
Stress, Emotional Imbalance, and Disease: The Mind-Body Connection
By Dr. Thomas Sult and Amanda Ronan
At some point in your life, you’ve been stressed. In fact, it’s pretty likely that right now, as you’re reading this article, you’ve got a list going in the back of your mind of everything else you should be doing right now. Our families, friends, coworkers, and bosses all have expectations of us. You have obligations, you make promises, you stretch yourself too thin. And then what happens? Yep. You get sick.
JUST BE WELLA Movement for Seekers of Vibrant Health
As I wrote in Just Be Well: A Book for Seekers of Vibrant Health, “Disease occurs with imbalance, and your chronic stress is probably resulting in imbalanced hormones. Stress increases cortisol, and cortisol can result in insulin resistance. The chain goes on from there: insulin resistance prevents you from burning fat—you burn muscle instead, and the resulting low muscle is associated with poor immune function.”
Stress is the body’s response to threats or demands. When you feel threatened, or like you just can’t keep up, your nervous system floods your body with hormones. Those hormones, in turn, are both responsible for and worsen many common health problems, including pain, heart disease, digestive disorders, depression, autoimmune disease, and weight gain.
Stress is directly related to increased inflammation. Normally, your body responds to bacterial and viral invaders with inflammation. But when your body is constantly awash with stress hormones, you find chronic inflammation, which impacts the function of major organs and joints.
Both internal and external factors influence stress. Major life changes, issues at school or work, relationship problems, and a too-full schedule are external causes of stress. Worrying, pessimism, thinking too rigidly and inflexibly, doubting yourself, and focusing on being “perfect” cause stress from the inside. As I’ve written before, “Just like all our other environmental inputs—including the food we eat and the air we breathe—our thoughts, beliefs, and relationships can either be healing and supportive, or they can be toxic. And when you’re struggling with getting this central piece of the matrix on track, you can eat all the wonderful foods and take all the wonderful medicines this planet has to offer, but you likely won’t get better. You can become stuck in “dis-ease,” even if your diet and exercise regimen is impeccable, because you’re fueling yourself with toxic thoughts.”
The good news from all of this is that you can control how you respond. You can choose whether or not to dwell on things that make you feel stressed. You can heal yourself from the inside out by adjusting your thought process and bringing more awareness to your mental, emotional, and spiritual state of mind. They say it takes more energy to be negative than it takes to be positive. And that’s definitely true when it comes to stress in your body. True wellness is holistic—it balances mind, body, and spirit.
When I meet with patients who need help managing stress, I let them know about a study my professor at UCLA, Dr. Norman Cousins, had written about. In the study, actors were brought to the health center at UCLA to have blood drawn. After the initial procedure, they were given cards with emotions on them and asked to act out that emotion for twenty minutes. Then their blood was drawn again. The blood drawn the second time resulted in very different immune markers than the blood drawn just twenty minutes before. Actors who’d shown positive emotions had an increase in immune function, while actors with negative emotions showed a decrease in immune function.
So, while you might not be feeling happy and chipper, consider the “fake it ’til you make it” mantra. It’s possible that with just twenty minutes of acting like you feel positive, you can begin to heal yourself and undo some of that internal damage caused by stress. Add the power of positive thinking to a nutritious diet and an active exercise routine and you’re well on your way to vibrant health.
Here is an interesting article regarding stress, disease and our mind connection to it all.....
Stress, Emotional Imbalance, and Disease: The Mind-Body Connection
By Dr. Thomas Sult and Amanda Ronan
At some point in your life, you’ve been stressed. In fact, it’s pretty likely that right now, as you’re reading this article, you’ve got a list going in the back of your mind of everything else you should be doing right now. Our families, friends, coworkers, and bosses all have expectations of us. You have obligations, you make promises, you stretch yourself too thin. And then what happens? Yep. You get sick.
JUST BE WELLA Movement for Seekers of Vibrant Health
As I wrote in Just Be Well: A Book for Seekers of Vibrant Health, “Disease occurs with imbalance, and your chronic stress is probably resulting in imbalanced hormones. Stress increases cortisol, and cortisol can result in insulin resistance. The chain goes on from there: insulin resistance prevents you from burning fat—you burn muscle instead, and the resulting low muscle is associated with poor immune function.”
Stress is the body’s response to threats or demands. When you feel threatened, or like you just can’t keep up, your nervous system floods your body with hormones. Those hormones, in turn, are both responsible for and worsen many common health problems, including pain, heart disease, digestive disorders, depression, autoimmune disease, and weight gain.
Stress is directly related to increased inflammation. Normally, your body responds to bacterial and viral invaders with inflammation. But when your body is constantly awash with stress hormones, you find chronic inflammation, which impacts the function of major organs and joints.
Both internal and external factors influence stress. Major life changes, issues at school or work, relationship problems, and a too-full schedule are external causes of stress. Worrying, pessimism, thinking too rigidly and inflexibly, doubting yourself, and focusing on being “perfect” cause stress from the inside. As I’ve written before, “Just like all our other environmental inputs—including the food we eat and the air we breathe—our thoughts, beliefs, and relationships can either be healing and supportive, or they can be toxic. And when you’re struggling with getting this central piece of the matrix on track, you can eat all the wonderful foods and take all the wonderful medicines this planet has to offer, but you likely won’t get better. You can become stuck in “dis-ease,” even if your diet and exercise regimen is impeccable, because you’re fueling yourself with toxic thoughts.”
The good news from all of this is that you can control how you respond. You can choose whether or not to dwell on things that make you feel stressed. You can heal yourself from the inside out by adjusting your thought process and bringing more awareness to your mental, emotional, and spiritual state of mind. They say it takes more energy to be negative than it takes to be positive. And that’s definitely true when it comes to stress in your body. True wellness is holistic—it balances mind, body, and spirit.
When I meet with patients who need help managing stress, I let them know about a study my professor at UCLA, Dr. Norman Cousins, had written about. In the study, actors were brought to the health center at UCLA to have blood drawn. After the initial procedure, they were given cards with emotions on them and asked to act out that emotion for twenty minutes. Then their blood was drawn again. The blood drawn the second time resulted in very different immune markers than the blood drawn just twenty minutes before. Actors who’d shown positive emotions had an increase in immune function, while actors with negative emotions showed a decrease in immune function.
So, while you might not be feeling happy and chipper, consider the “fake it ’til you make it” mantra. It’s possible that with just twenty minutes of acting like you feel positive, you can begin to heal yourself and undo some of that internal damage caused by stress. Add the power of positive thinking to a nutritious diet and an active exercise routine and you’re well on your way to vibrant health.
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