It always amazes me how much of an ego I have, especially when I watch carefully and pay close attention. And it sneaks in when I least expect it or it may be better said that it is when my guard is down.
Teaching is a great time to watch that ego and keep it in check. Sharing knowledge and skills is a wonderful gift and made so much more effective and powerful when done in a humble and open hearted manner. Feeling the need for recognition when teaching shifts the energy and disrupts the peace and ease with which things flow....or that has been my personal experience.
I have the pleasure of being able to teach a body and brain yoga and Tai Chi class on occasion and I take this responsibility very seriously. I believe it is my job to hold space for everyone to have a loving and empowering experience. I take pride (ego) in offering a good class. The last class I taught felt more disjointed and I left feeling a little disappointed in myself. Upon examination, I allowed my energy to be affected and did not keep a calm and peaceful energy. I felt like I allowed my ego to take the reigns and not my heart.
Teaching is our greatest teacher too. I learned a lot about how I handle situation and energy and how I must stay within my own power and awareness. It is not about the recognition or hearing everyone say how good you are or how well you did, it is about your own vision and what you set out to achieve. Were you humble and did you offer an experience rich in love, wanting more for everyone than for yourself. Did you let your ego go and let you soul and spirit guide you?
These are the questions I pondered and with which I searched myself. I am also keenly aware of the judgement and attachments I have to things and outcomes and watch this carefully too. I must accept that I do have an ego and that it does disrupt my energy at times. I pay attention to not having any judgement about times when my ego take me on a joy ride and when my human condition and needs and desires override my souls purpose.
After some meditation and self healing I was able to accept and forgive myself, letting go of my need for perfection and outcome. I invited everyone into my class to receive whatever they are meant to receive and that includes me. I am not attached to the outcome and I am not always going to be perfect (perfection is an illusion anyway as it is only my perception, which stems from learned behavior or a belief system I took on and is not grounded in true reality...let's not get started down that rabbit hole)
I am on this journey for the growth of my soul. I learned that I am human and that this is truly a journey of discovery and not a final destination.
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