Wow, its been a whole month since my last post and I am amazed at how much has happened and how many times I have thought about blogging this or that and just never took the time to sit down and do it.
I feel like I have BEEN HECTICALLY BUSY AND AS IF I HAVE PASSED THROUGH A STORM AND MOST DAYS I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE IS A DREAM AND I WONDER WHEN I MAY WAKE UP AND WHAT WILL I SEE??? (oops, bumped caps lock and do not feel like typing that again)
I recently had a few revelations maybe even a healing crisis and it was very interesting. This 40Th year of my life has brought about many changes and they came pretty rapidly. I guess when you finally make up your mind things start moving quickly. I got divorced and when the final decree came I was just numb. This surprised me and I needed to decide why I am not happy.
Am I incapable of being happy, was that the problem....did I deserve to be happy???...was that the problem??
So many questions and then even more confusion. Life is good, business is good and I had to get to the bottom of my feelings before I made any more mistakes and caused any more pain.
I decided to turn to a Healing touch professional that I trade services with and returned to Network Chiropractic. I put the intent out there and many opportunities to discover were opened up to me.
I dealt with abandonment issues and worthiness to start and after some theta healing and self searching I moved through that but as these things come in layers, I was not done.
My new relationship is exactly what I created and I have a chance to be so happy, to live the dream.....I could not understand why it felt so complicated. I am so grateful that we communicate so well as it has helped me delve deeper and deeper. It was during one of our discussions that I realised shame was the next layer and it really blew me away.
I knew I had a LOT of shame around my childhood and being abused and raped and poor, but I did not realize that it was soooo strong in my vibrations that I had attracted it to me from everywhere. I attracted three bad things in a row to happen to me to build on the shame I was carrying and then to add more issues, I felt like I needed to protect myself and put on a ton of weight (in my mind)and this just gave me something else to be ashamed about. As I lay there talking to my partner it hit me.....I was ashamed of this wonderful relationship I had dreamed of and created, the one thing that was supposed to make me happy and help me!!
It was as if these episodes in my life fell into this shame filling cabinet and it all made sense.
I have a new relationship and I am so in love and it may have happened fast for a recently divorced person but I am choosing to be ashamed no more and I will not be ashamed of this love in my life and if no one understands and chooses to judge it so be it.....they obviously have a bunch of issues that they themselves need to deal with.
My healing is probably not complete but this layer certainly is!! I am in love and proud of it. I chose a different life for myself and I am sorry for the pain it may have caused but I know in the end everyone involved will be happier, I certainly am.
Emotions are....and they start from some imprint or belief system and if we are not careful we can feed them and feed them until they destroy all we desire. That is, the lower vibrational emotions mainly!!! The only emotion I wish to feed now is love....LOVE for myself and others.
I know that I am a child of the DIVINE and am integrating it deeply into my psyche, changing the other imprints in there, and I deserve all the good things the Universe has to offer and I accept it now.
YOU ARE TOO A DIVINE CHILD AND DESERVE ALL THE GOOD OUT THERE SO, IT'S TIME......GRAB IT!!!