Friday, September 19, 2008

life in the fast lane...

Today was quiet and many thoughts ran through my mind from the time that I was in the shower until now.

I wondered how I had gotten to make the choices I have made, as the water rushed over me. When exactly did I leave my current relationship. Thoughts of control and how he asserted it came to mind. It was then that I left, not physically but mentally and somewhat emotionally too. I did not feel secure and protected and wondered why the hell I was staying in such a tight spot.

I fought it for three years until I decided to open my heart to me.

Money is often used to control us and keep us locked in. It is not the money that is evil and corrupt but the ones that hold it firmly in their hands. Many relationships fall apart because of finances and loss of trust and love and the list goes on.

What was the downfall of this particular one you may was all of the above!

Relationship are there to teach us about ourselves and to help us grow. This was no exception. In this relationship I learned about love and wonderful childhoods and how the other side lives. I learned about a whole new culture and I laughed a lot. It was safe to grow and open myself up. I learned to look at myself through his eyes and finally liked what I saw and started cultivating that. Relationships are not perfect but can be perfect for you and can also be perfect for a specific purpose and reason. One needs to know when relationships have served their purpose and needs to change or move on. This is where we all get stuck and paralyzed at times. Do not allow fear of change and some discomfort keep you locked into a situation that does not serve either of you.

I moved into a beautiful little cottage on a lake with no running water and an outhouse. A trip to say the least but in those moments where I feel down and sorry for myself, I look out the window and see the most gorgeous view and nature in all her splendour and I feel lighter and blessed. I wake up to the sound of loons on the lake and all those little things seems to slip away until I summon them back. I moved out of a situation I could no longer navigate, to find my center again.
It has been an interesting journey and I am still a little of center but a lot closer than before and I have found love within myself to sustain me which also helps me look at the world with softer eyes. Change has been a constant for me and I am learning how to accept it at a moments notice.

May change in this fast lane be kind to you and may you go with the flow...

1 comment:

CS said...

You dont always have to "start over" to make a correction and build on the good foundation of the past and continue forward.