What I learned this week...(1) Just say NO.

At some point one must learn how to say no without guilt. Saying no when you are asked to do something, or participate in something that is not your truth, is a beautiful thing. We always have choices in life and we must use them wisely. If you chose to participate, do so with all of your being and if you cannot or do not want to do so then it is best to just say no.

You are never doing anyone any favors when participating or doing things under duress. You also send a message that it is not okay to follow your truth and trust yourself. How can anyone else trust you if you do not trust yourself.

Research from the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty you have in saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burn out and even depression and these three things hinder your emotional intelligence.

An article I read recently in Forbes, by Travis Bradley, had some helpful hints on learning to say no..

1) Find your yes...And by this they meant that you must know or find what you are saying yes to when you say no. In other words, every opportunity that you pass with a no is really saying yes to something else - something you would prefer to do or something more important in the long run.
You must know what you really want to be able to say no and this comes form inner soul searching and getting to know yourself.

2) Sleeping on it is good advice...if you are unsure then taking some time to think it over is a good idea. It will be easier to say no when you have considered all the facts, your commitments, and whether it is worth your time or a realistic addition to your time, AND you will have time to find the best way to say no.

3) Make sure you are actually saying NO...Using limp phrases instead of saying no will often be considered a yes, so avoid phrases like "I don't think I can or I'm not certain"

AND be prepared to repeat yourself. Sometimes people push back and you may need to repeat your no again and again. It is your right to say no to any request (free choice, remember) and you may need to be firm in order to have your intentions understood.

When saying no and upsetting another, remember that it is just their ego responding to your no, if they took the time to examine their reaction they may find that it was more their ego that was hurt than their true spirit or soul. (either way, it is not your problem)

I learned that I chose every thought and feeling I have and I learned the it is ok to say NO.
I learned that I have much work to do on myself and that I must practice the art of saying no for it to become easier and more natural to do what is right for me, guilt free. And I will start by examining what I am saying yes too, instead.

I am also learning that I have much to unlearn, whilst learning.
I may share more of what I am learning each week as I travel this road of watching myself.